Hmph.

I guess my head isn’t as big as I thought.  I went to Michael’s right after New Year’s and got some really nice yarn – 3 skeins of Bernat Cashmere Blend to use for a beret for me, and 5 skeins of Bernat Alpaca Blend for a shawl (also for me).  I thought I had finished the beret last night, until this morning when I tried it on.  HA!  I did it in a size medium, and it was WAY too large.  So I just spent the last half hour unraveling it back to the point where the size changes (2/3 of the way back to Round 1, argh) and have started over, this time following the small size instructions.  And crocheting a bit tighter.  The pattern I got for free on the Lion Brand website; same with the shawl.  I’ll also be doing myself a prayer shawl, but I’m waiting for just the right yarn to come along (silk and cotton perhaps).  I’d post a picture but at the moment the beret looks like a brown fuzzy doily.

My mom’s prayer shawl is coming along very nicely, though – same pattern as the first one, only in raspberry (vicarious use of colors, since the CFP Rule specifies we are to wear only neutral colors and blue……see link to the Confraternity of Penitents on the sidebar).

First Latin co-op of the new year went very well this afternoon, and we moms had our first reading group afterwards…..we’re reading “The Way of Divine Love” by Sr. Josefa Menendez.  I picked this book up at the Mt. St. Macrina gift shop in Uniontown, PA when our parish youth group went up to clean the racetrack in preparation for the annual OLPH Pilgrimage….it was recommended reading from the retreat master at last year’s CFP Retreat, and I had sort of put it out of my mind until there I saw it on the used book rack (in several copies, no less).  Combine that with the fact that Sr. Josefa was a Sister of the Sacred Heart and I have been blessed to have a 1st class relic of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, who is the Apostle of His Sacred Heart, and I figured I ought to get the book and read it.

Sr. Josefa is someone who is so obviously so powerful in her very weakness; she suffered so much and to such a degree to console Our Lord!  The brief biography given implies that there was not the least thing noticeable or unusual about her, neither in her appearance or actions, to lead one to believe that these mystical happenings were taking place.  She was constantly in fear that she was suffering a delusion, and was ever prepared to leave off writing about the revelations she received from Christ and His Blessed Mother if instructed to do so my her superiors.  It crossed my mind, while reading the introduction to the book, that it would be wonderful to be so close to Jesus as to rest in His Heart, and there console Him for all the wounds He has suffered through the arrogance of men.  But then again I shrank from this very thought – no suffering for me, thank you very much!  I know that if I truly loved Him as I would like to, then I would approach suffering with joy, even seek it out, in order that more people would love Him and know Him.  But alas I do not.  I am prideful….I think my prayers alone can save others from themselves, and fear to commend them to God in His Mercy, because perhaps He will ask me to endure some indignity for this person and I am afraid of pain, I detest illness, and I don’t want to be sad.

But if we are to be true members of the Body of Christ, ought we not to somehow rise above this aversion to suffering and somehow pick up the Cross, taking it from the Hands of Him who chose it for us, and follow Him, to Calvary and thence to Heaven?

I have a lot of work to do.

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One response to “Hmph.

  1. Ok, a smaller head than anticipated…so you must be humbler than you give yourself credit for! ;o) Now if only we could have a fraction of the desire for suffering for souls that Sr. Josefa did…!!