What a God-incidence!

So there I was, sitting in the yard, relieved that I finally finished sewing shut the cushions I made for our Church’s picnic pavilion benches, and musing (really, mentally ranting) over a bunch of stuff that in the long run is so totally not important but to me, what with the heat and humidity and all, had gone from a niggling notion in the noggin to an all-consuming desire to go out in the middle of my very quiet street and sing “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna eat some worms” at the top of my voice until the white coats come to carry me away.

I was looking aimlessly at the profusely spreading clover, when…..just to the left of my left foot…..I saw…..

Number 6 from my yard

This is the SIXTH one I’ve found in the last 10 months in our yard, but the first one this year.  I always seem to see them when I am frustrated, tired, cranky and irritable, and in need of some sort of a pick-me-up.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I’m all cheerful and those not-very-important things aren’t bothering me any more.  They still rankle.  I still feel rather like a failure in many ways, like I can’t keep up with the Joneses (apologies to any of you readers out there named Jones), like I’m doing too much of the wrong things/right things in the wrong way.  My house is a perennial disaster, I’m tired of laundry and dust and dishes and meal planning and covered dishes and needing things, I need a serious vacation.  I did, I admit, have the day between my surgery and the removal of the big bandage to sit around and be basically helpless, but the overriding thought was ‘gee, here I am having to have my mom, who has a stress fracture in her hip, do all this stuff for me when I ought to be doing stuff for her’.  I felt like I wouldn’t have had to ask her for so much help if I had planned my helplessness better, if that makes any sense at all.

I just realized how selfish this post may sound. (Now, see, I have yet another thing to feel guilty about.)  I think perhaps my trouble is that I am too self-sufficient and I don’t know how to ask for help…..after all, I am capable of doing {insert name of task here}, so why should I ask someone to do it for me when I can do it myself?  Well, DUH, I’m only one person, for goodness’ sake.  Must work on this.  Pride, a very serious fault to have.  Wow.

So if you read this, could you find the time to say a little prayer for me?  I pray for you, whether I know you or not, truly I do.  I’d be grateful for your prayers.

One response to “What a God-incidence!

  1. I found your blog through Ravelry… And I just love this post. Glad to know I’m not the only one who has the “gonna eat some worms” moments. Love the clover!