Last weekend the checs and I were out running errands, just your usual grocery store, craft store, big-box cheapie retailer midmorning trip. We left the craft store and headed out on the interstate to blow the dust out of the injectors on the Subaru…..as I moved my hand up on the steering wheel to turn off the turn signal after merging into the traffic lane, I saw something brown on my hand out of the corner of my eye.
ACK! A spider!!!! I shrieked and shook my hand, which caused the spider to flop over onto the little rubber weatherstripping at the bottom of my window. Now I’m explaining to the checs the reason for the sudden Miss Muffett impression, while simultaneously watching the road AND the spider.
I passed a bank lollipop to younger boychec in the seat directly behind me, asking him, when I rolled down the window, to please poke the spider out the window with the stick of the lollipop. He agreed, and I pushed the ‘down’ button and told him “OK, now poke the spider out the window PLEASE!!!”
He poked. The spider, injured by now and completely uncooperative, took a desperate leap in an attempt to salvage what remaining minutes remained of its life, and disappeared……
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MY HIP AND THE EDGE OF THE SEAT!
OK, so now my hand is out of danger, but there is a spider in my seat and we are barrelling down I-68, between exits so there is no place to go except on to big-box cheapie retailer. I’m driving with one side of me up off the seat (not because I care to preserve the spider, but because I don’t want to sit down on something that might BITE me).
Two green lights (whew!) later, we turn into the parking lot and everybody piles out of the car, whereupon younger boychec hollers triumphantly “MOM! The spider is on your pocket!” Sure enough, there it is, sitting on my jeans pocket for all the world like it belonged there. I got a paper towel out of the door storage, handed it to the previously mentioned spider-removal boychec, and asked him to pinch up the spider into the paper towel so we could get rid of it.
He did, and then promptly…..
Thrust the spider-enveloping paper towel at his sister, who then shrieked like the heroine in a B-movie and burst into tears. I sternly instructed Spider-Boy to give me the paper. He shook it in my direction, causing ME to shriek again, and the spider fell out of the paper towel.
Onto my shoe.
I shook it off onto the pavement and squished it. We all took a deep breath, I dried girlchec’s tears, and we proceeded to go into the store.
I swear I am NOT making this up.