Category Archives: humor

Stop! Before you read any further…..

Go see Carolina Cannonball’s blog, specifically her post about the 2009 blog awards (for which I was nominated) and vote for my blog!

The relevant post is right here, so you don’t even have to go look.

And I’ve made this a sticky post, to remind you every time you visit until the voting is closed.

All I can promise you if I win, is more of the same Church Belligerent Militant that I do, even if not very regularly.

The Spider Who Loved Me

Last weekend the checs and I were out running errands, just your usual grocery store, craft store, big-box cheapie retailer midmorning trip.  We left the craft store and headed out on the interstate to blow the dust out of the injectors on the Subaru…..as I moved my hand up on the steering wheel to turn off the turn signal after merging into the traffic lane, I saw something brown on my hand out of the corner of my eye.

ACK!  A spider!!!!  I shrieked and shook my hand, which caused the spider to flop over onto the little rubber weatherstripping at the bottom of my window.  Now I’m explaining to the checs the reason for the sudden Miss Muffett impression, while simultaneously watching the road AND the spider.

I passed a bank lollipop to younger boychec in the seat directly behind me, asking him, when I rolled down the window, to please poke the spider out the window with the stick of the lollipop.  He agreed, and I pushed the ‘down’ button and told him “OK, now poke the spider out the window PLEASE!!!”

He poked.  The spider, injured by now and completely uncooperative, took a desperate leap in an attempt to salvage what remaining minutes remained of its life, and disappeared……

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MY HIP AND THE EDGE OF THE SEAT!

OK, so now my hand is out of danger, but there is a spider in my seat and we are barrelling down I-68, between exits so there is no place to go except on to big-box cheapie retailer.  I’m driving with one side of me up off the seat (not because I care to preserve the spider, but because I don’t want to sit down on something that might BITE me).

Two green lights (whew!) later, we turn into the parking lot and everybody piles out of the car, whereupon younger boychec hollers triumphantly “MOM!  The spider is on your pocket!”  Sure enough, there it is, sitting on my jeans pocket for all the world like it belonged there.  I got a paper towel out of the door storage, handed it to the previously mentioned spider-removal boychec, and asked him to pinch up the spider into the paper towel so we could get rid of it.

He did, and then promptly…..

Thrust the spider-enveloping paper towel at his sister, who then shrieked like the heroine in a B-movie and burst into tears.  I sternly instructed Spider-Boy to give me the paper.  He shook it in my direction, causing ME to shriek again, and the spider fell out of the paper towel.

Onto my shoe.

I shook it off onto the pavement and squished it.  We all took a deep breath, I dried girlchec’s tears, and we proceeded to go into the store.

I swear I am NOT making this up.

Argh! I’ve got an Ear Worm!

Ever since yesterday afternoon I’ve had the weirdest mashup of two Dr. Hook songs living in my head – “Please, Mrs. Avery, I just want to tell her……you’ve not seen nothing like the mighty Quinn”  Quite odd.  I may be saved today by the fact that I have to start memorizing the propers for the Wednesday of my annual retreat, because we may have a Byzantine priest come and celebrate the Divine Liturgy and I’ll have to act as cantor.

Neighbors.

As I write this, there are a whole bunch of college girls attempting to change a flat tire – in MY driveway.  Seems they were already a bit happy when they arrived at the house next door for the evening’s entertainment, and instead of parking on the street like normal people would do, they chose to run across the metal grating at the end of my driveway, through the driveway and into the yard next door.  Upon realizing that they now had a flat tire, they pulled back onto my driveway and proceeded to collect fresh beers and flashlights and try to do the job.

I’ve mentioned before that I live in a college town.  My neighborhood, when we first moved in, was probably 80% – 90% owner-occupied houses; now it’s down to something like 70%.  Rental housing is at a premium here, with houses (even when they haven’t been chopped up into tiny apartments) going for $300 – $400 per bedroom.

The thing about this that gripes me the most is that this will now go on all summer…..teenage kids drinking and whooping it up until all hours of the night, turning the air blue with swear words, etc.  Last year there was an entire week when I couldn’t let my kids go out in the street in the front of our house, because someone had written a whole bunch of offensive, suggestive things in sidewalk chalk in the street and I had to wait for the rain to wash it away.

They throw their beer cans in my yard, their cats run loose in the neighborhood (and poop in my garden and flower beds, yuk), they cuss and carry on.  Yes, I pray for them, and their parents.  I pray that these kids come to their senses before they are handed a diploma and are unleashed upon the unsuspecting world.

What can one do?  Pray, try to set a good example, and make sure that I and the checs are never the cause of irritation to them.  Although if I won the lottery, the third thing I would do with the money is buy the house next door.

In totally unrelated news, I got the stitches out of my hand today, after the wonderful adventure of driving to the Pittsburgh VA all by myself, Fort Pitt Tunnels and all.  Oakland is a mess, and I took a wrong turn and ended up in Schenley Farms for a few minutes but I managed to get to the hospital by some brilliant seat-of-the-pants navigating. Thank you, Army map training.  Upon my return home, I decided to stop by my local yarn store (LYS), the Needlecraft Barn, as I have been reading about these dreamy yarns on the Internet and Ravelry in particular, and wanted to feel and see some for myself.  OOH, Silk Garden, as soon as I can afford you, I am knitting that Clapotis pattern that everyone raves about (if I can drop stitches by accident I am sure I can manage to do it on purpose, lol).  And mohair!  Alpaca (and baby alpaca)…..Shetland wool, bamboo, more silk, cotton, and tape yarn I have decided I have not much desire to work with.

And did I mention I’m a Godmother?  Little Godchec (his parents being hopeful transfers like me) was born on Monday afternoon.  He’s just gorgeous (if his mom and dad say OK I’ll post a pic).

Well, I feel much better now that I have gotten that out of my system so I will shut up now.  Nitey-nite!

Daughter “Itt”

hair

Girlchec wanted to know how long her bangs were.  I think they are not bangs any more!

We interrupt this blog

for a period of relative busyness at work.  Evidently there is some sort of a huge gala this weekend for the children’s hospital, and of course everyone who is anyone is attending….and they have known about this for a month at least but didn’t purchase the dress until now, and of course it doesn’t fit.  Note:  I am not anyone, so I am not going, but a whole slew of my work is….I’m the one who makes the somebodies look that way!

This post will be a bunch of random stuff I have to get off my fingers, which I may or may not fill out some later.

First, why don’t priests were clericals any more?  (RC priests, that is…..EC priests are REQUIRED to look priestly even when ‘off-duty’ – this means cassock or dog collar, thank you very much).  This evening we went out to one of the RC parishes to partake of thier Mardi Gras dinner (free, I didn’t have to cook or clean up so of course I was all for it) and there were TWO, count ’em, priests there and neither one was in clericals.  They looked like they were just somebody’s generic uncle or something. (May be they were afraid someone would want to confess or something, it being Shrove Tuesday and all).

Second, get a look at what was sitting on the fence outside my back door this morning:

bird1.jpg

I took this in a tearing hurry, through the glass (wet from recent rain) in the back door, so it isn’t a great picture, I know.  But it’s a ROBIN, people!!!  And it’s February!  Woohoo!  Spring will be here (soon, I hope).

I’m still cruising around to the other Fun Monday participants, and I am going to try to visit all 80 (wow, that’s a LOT) before next Monday, but I have to think of my answer to the next assignment which is going to be very hard for me.

Oh, and for those of you who guessed about the picture (and for those who looked but didn’t guess – chickens):  May 1989, in the Goreme Valley, Turkey (please mentally put those two little dots over the “o” in Goreme, I don’t know how to type in foreign alphabets).  The doorway at which I stand is the entrance to one of the ‘cave churches’ in this region, and St. Paul and companions preached here.  Here, as in, just inside that door.  Is that cool, or what?  (And what if St. Thecla had stood just where I’m standing, listening to Paul tell the Good News along with Silas and Barnabas….gives me chills, it does).

Wow, my little editor thingy says I have typed 444 words (and have said nothing at all worth noting).  I think tomorrow is another Catholic Carnival, and I may find time to post proof that younger boychec (AKA biker priest) is really the mystery child of Lt. Horatio Caine (not really, but it is a funny story).

Don’t you believe it!

This morning was our monthly Catholic Homeschoolers’ meeting.  It was rather nasty and gloomy this morning – we had freezing rain when I got up, but by the time we had to leave the house it had warmed up a bit and was just plain old rain, but accompanied by a rather gusty wind.

I got out of the car, sent the checs inside except for older boychec whom I needed to hold the umbrella while I got our t-shirts (made by me, photos coming) out of the way-back and into my arms for delivery.  When we turned around to go into the church where we have our meetings, a strong gust of wind chose that moment to  do this:umbrella

I should add that the umbrella in question is one of those with a double canopy, that is supposedly guaranteed not to turn inside out.  HA!  I’m sure that this is a one-in-a-million thing, but how fortunate that (a) I had the foresight to take a picture of it, (b) I just happen to have a blog on which to share it with my 4 or 5 loyal readers, and (c) the picture turned out so that you can tell it’s a windblown umbrella!

I did manage to get the silly thing turned right side out and folded up properly, and decided not to risk having it happen again today.  So we just got rained on after the meeting.

So there you have just about the most exciting thing that happened to me today.  BTW I have surfed most of the blogs in my blogroll and almost without exception they have had much more fascinating things to say so you should go read some of them now.